For those of you who have been following along this journey on our email list, you know I left you hanging for a couple of weeks about how we implemented our Fairplay system (The term we use for how we delegate household work) but I wanted to test it out for a few weeks first to see how it was working for us.
I first got this idea from a book called Fairplay where the author talks about some of the common challenges couples face with dividing up household work. Planning birthday parties, taking the car to the shop, travel plans etc. Who does what? How do you not step on each other’s toes? How do you truly work together as a team? How do you avoid “nagging” or having things thrown on your plate at the last minute?
Problems with Our Old Household System
Dan had been trying to get me on board with implementing a system for our household for a while. Our informal system had been that I do almost everything and then ask him for help with the execution whenever I was overloaded (which was a lot)– often at the last minute. Dan wanted to help but felt like he was never doing enough and that I always had a list 10 miles long for him to do. He felt like he could never win.
Questions like:
“Were you planning on trimming the bushes soon?
“Could you take out the trash before dinner?”
“Did you ever hear back from the car repair man?”
“Can you pick up some broccoli on your way home from the gym?”
The list went on and on.
To me, we were communicating. To him, I was nagging.
We needed a new system.
Creating Our New System- Two Biggest Takeaways
- Ownership/CPE: One of my biggest takeaways from the Fairplay book was the idea that each person needs complete ownership of a task (She calls it CPE- conceive, plan, and execute.) This has been a GAME CHANGER in the way we approach our household tasks.
- Appreciation for the Invisible Load: We then, went through a list of 100 cards. (The author has the list available on her website or you can buy the actual physical cards.) These cards help you to think of all the tasks that are required to keep a household running. This really helped us see so much of the invisible load that the other person had been taking on! So much more appreciation for each other! Even if we grow into a different season of life and I am required to take on a more “traditional” role, I still think this alone is a game changer for our system. I see so many of the behind the scenes things Dan was already doing to help us run our household (Booking flights, scheduling car maintenance, navigating insurance etc.) and helped us both see that it takes a lot to keep a household running.
Our Current System
Ultimately, this is what we decided to do for our current stage. We added a few cards and got rid of a few cards and I am sure we are going to continue adding and changing things up but this is what we have so far.
Kay’s Current Tasks:
- Airbnb Laundry/Airbnb House Cleaning
- Groceries
- Home Furnishings
- Tidying up/Organizing/Donating
- Storage/Garage/Seasonal Items
- Memories and Photos- Annual Photo Book
- Meals- Dinner
- Meals-Lunch
- Meals- Afternoon Snack
- House Cleaning
- Yardcare
- Calendar Keeper
- Weekly Gas Fill Up in the Car
- Birthday Celebrations-Other Kids
- Social Plans (Couples)
- Transportation- Kids
- Returns and Store Credit
- Packing/Unpacking-Travel
- Community Service
- Medical and Healthy Living (Kids)
- Friendships and Social (Playdates)-Kids
- Grooming and Wardrobe- Dan (Haircuts)
- Diapering and Potty Training
- Homework/School Supplies (Playing Preschool)
- Bedtime Routine- Lucy
- Clothes and Accessories- Kids
- Parents/in-laws- Kay’s parents
- Watch Kids
- Holidays
- Holiday Cards
- Gifts for Families- Kay’s Family
- Gifts for VIPs
- Birthday Celebrations
- Middle of the Night Comfort
- Magical Beings (Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc.)
- Overnight Hosting
- First Aid/Safety/Emergency
- Airbnb Stay-Travel Plans
- Cash And Bills (Deposit/Withdraw Cash as needed)
- Grooming and Wardrobe-Kay
- Adult Personal Friendships
- Selfcare
- Unicorn Space
- Laundry
- Dishes
- Home Maintenance and Repair
- Dental
Dan’s Current Tasks:
- Home Goods and Supplies
- Evening Hosting-Invite someone for dinner, group date nights etc.
- Garbage
- Money Manager- We both do our finances together every week but Dan does everything outside of the weekly check in. (Research CC, bank phone calls etc.)
- Meals- Breakfast
- Meals- Morning Snack
- Airbnb Bathrooms
- Electronics and IT
- Weekend Plans (Plans Monthly adventures, Saturday Family activities etc)
- Auto- Car washes, repair, oil changes etc.
- Non-Airbnb Stay Travel (Rental cars, flights etc.)
- Points/Miles/Coupons
- Packing-Local (Restock Diaper Bag)
- Bathing Kids
- Life Insurance/ Estate Planning
- Health Insurance
- Morning Routine-Kids (except for hair)
- Birth Control
- Gifts for Family- Dan’s Family
- Bedtime Routine- Charlie
- Marriage and Romance- Planning Dates, Anniversaries etc.
- Family Spirituality-church, family prayer, family scripture study etc.
- Parents and in-laws- Dan’s parents
- Informal Education for Kids- Bike, Swim lessons, etc.
- Adult Personal Friendships
- Selfcare
- Unicorn Space
I am sure we will be making lots of changes over time and that is the whole point!
Adjust the system to your life and know that fair does not mean “equal”–as in we each are always doing a certain number of cards etc. It is what works for both people and
If you are interested in creating your own version of a household Fairplay system, I recommend reading this book first. (The whole thing– the end really helps bring it all together and understand that it is not a me against you battle!) Then start dividing up the cards making sure to always implement the CPE part of the system she talks about (Conceive, plan and execute) for each task and go from there.
Let me know how it goes for you if you end up doing it!